And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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