and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
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I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
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The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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