You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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