He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
