i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
