I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
