Don't you send me to vm
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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