My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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