If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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