I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
