Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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