i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
