the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
