You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
