I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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