Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
