The maid of honor just puked.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
