you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize