Define "chronic" masturbator.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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