There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
