Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
