Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
