bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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