Even water is tasting like jack daniels
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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