You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
