It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
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I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
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I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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