I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
