You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
