I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
