Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
