Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
