4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
