Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize