I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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