separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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