My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
ttyl tear gas
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
