i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
