Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
