nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
