the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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