Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
