youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she peed on how many people?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
