Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
