I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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