her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
