Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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