I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
