i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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