Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You made out with two different species that night
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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