someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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