matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
