It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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