I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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